My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
