Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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