so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize