she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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