Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
