Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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