I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
