they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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