I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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