apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
