The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
