I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just pynch a tree in the face
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
