If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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