We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
