Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
