I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
