I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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