well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize