I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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