Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
