OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
