Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
