I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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