"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
