I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
