last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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