My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
