Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
