She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love having hate sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
