Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
