Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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