We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
