you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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