Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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