wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
