the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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