I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
