I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
