i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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