I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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