I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
