____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
