I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
