READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
