I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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