I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
