Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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