I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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