so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
