You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
