3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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