please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
