I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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