I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
