Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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