I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize