So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize