I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
