There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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