id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
