I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
