It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
