I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
