RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How naked do you want me to be?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
