How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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