Having a random hookup so left but love u
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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