He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
