Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
