Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
