Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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